Russell Peters

Russell Dominic Peters (born September 29, 1970) is a Canadian comedian and actor. He began performing in Toronto in 1989 and won a Gemini Award in 2008.

Peters began performing in Toronto in 1989. His popularity extends to several countries, as he has since also performed in the United Kingdom, United States, Australia, New Zealand, Ireland, Afghanistan, Sweden, South Africa, India, the Caribbean, Philippines, Vietnam, mainland China, Hong Kong, Sri Lanka, Singapore, United Arab Emirates, Bahrain, Jordan, Norway, Lebanon, Oman, and Malaysia, among other places.

On October 26, 2010, Peters released his autobiography, Call Me Russell, co-written with his brother Clayton and Dannis Koromilas.

According to Forbes, Peters earned an estimated $15 million between June 2009 and June 2010, continuing his run as one of the highest-paid comedians after earning an estimated $5 million in the prior year's report. He was ranked as the seventh highest paid comedian by Forbes.

Russell Peters' stand-up performances are mostly made up of observational comedy where he uses humour to highlight racial, ethnic, class and cultural stereotypes. He often refers to his own life experiences growing up in an Indian family and impersonates various English accents of different groups in his act to poke fun at each group. As Peters told an audience in San Francisco, "I don't make the stereotypes, I just see them." Peters uses his minority status to allow him to poke fun at different races in his performance, but according to an interview done for The National, he does not intend to put down or offend different races and cultures, but instead tries to raise them up through humour.

Peters is widely known for his punchlines, "Somebody gonna get a hurt real bad", in which he tells a joke about his childhood with a traditional Indian father who would use corporal punishment, and "Be a man!", while imitating a Chinese man trying to get him to pay more for an item at a shop.

http://www.russellpeters.com

Beating Your Kids

(My favorite video)

Script

I think one thing that separates immigrant families from the regular Canadian families, you know. Doesn't matter where your parents are from, they weren't born in this country, they will whoop your ass when you're growing up. It doesn't matter.

Where are your parents from? Ukraine. You know what I'm saying. They'll beat you with a cabbage roll. You know what I'm saying. They'll smack a pyrogy upside your head. They will beat you! Immigrant parents will beat their kids!

Canadian parents, they are a little too soft with their kids. And that's fine, whatever makes you happy. But you need start beating the kids. I will tell you why. Because growing up, the kids now are growing up in the multicultural society. You gonna have white kids growing up with black kids and brown kids and Asian kids. They are all going to be hanging out in the playground. You know what I mean? They all gonna be talking about the ass whoop they got last night. Do you want this white little kid to feel left out? Beat that child so he is not a social outcast! They're probably sitting around going "My Dad beat my ass! ... My Dad beat my ass too!" The white kid goes "I was sent to my room." Everybody "You've got a room?!"

You need to beat the kids, man. Indian parents will beat their kids. Chinese parents will. I would hate to get beaten by parents who know kung-fu and stuff like that. I would hate to mess up in a Chinese house, man. "Hey! Cap Dis Wong! Come here! It says you got an 'F' in school!" They wouldn't even need to beat you! Just go "Ou-e-e-e!" - No, 'sunite'!

Indian parents will beat their kids. Indian parents aren't afraid to kill their kids if they have to. My Dad's story was "If I get rid of one, I will make another one! And I will tell the new one what an idiot the last one was!"

Jamaican parents will beat their kids for no reasons until they grow up. "Hey ... come here!" - "Yes, Daddy." - "Chpok!" - "What's that for?" - "Just in case!"

White people, please, beat your kids! I'll tell you what, when I was growing up, right, I grew up around a lot of black people, which was fine because black people never picked on me. White kids - not so friendly back then. But every now and than a white kid would come and hang out with us. And we were like "Wow! A white kid! I've heard so much about you!" And here where the problem is. When a white kid would hang out with us, we wanted to be like that white kid. We would want to start to do everything like the white. We wanted to copy that white kid so much! And the problem is, is when we would start taking that white kid's advice ... on how to deal with our parents. That could get you freaking murdered, man!

I remember, I would hang out with this little white boy Ryan when I was ten years old. I went to his house after school one day, right. His parents never beat him and never even yelled at him. He could do anything he wanted and nothing was gonna happen to him. But he was an angry kid. We walked into his house after school and his Mom goes "Ryan, go clean your room." - "F* you, b*!" His Mom goes "What am I gonna do with him?" I go "Ryan, you can't talk to your Mom like that!" - "Yes, i can! She's a jackass!" - "Don't say that, man! She'll hit you!" - "No, she won't! She's not allowed to." - "What the hell are you talking about, man? My parents hit me." - "You know what, next time they try it, you tell them to f* off!" - "Are you sure?" - "Trust me, it works for me!"

So I went home ... for the last time. I walked into the house and my Dad goes "Russell, come and do the dishes." - "F* you, dad!" - "What the hell did you say to me? do I look like Ryan Mum? Somebody gonna get a hurt real bad!" That was my Dad's threat, right before he beat me. Every single time! "Hey, Russell, somebody gonna get a hurt real bad!" I hated that threat! You know why? Because he'd always say 'somebody'. He'd never tell you it was you. I mean, you knew it was you, but he'd give you this hope.  "Hey, Russell, somebody gonna get a hurt real bad!" "Somebody! I'm not gonna say who!" Oh, I think I might know him. Yes, in the back brain I hope it's my brother, man, please, please.

I saw that little crap Ryan at school and I go "Yo, your little plan almost got me killed!" - He goes "Oh, sorry, dude, I forgot to tell you the other part. If he's still gonna hit you, threaten to phone children's aid." - "Why?" - "Because if you phone children's aid, they'll come and take your Dad away and he'll get in trouble. You don't even have to call, just pretend. It'll scare the crap out of him."

Ten years old. You found out how to scare the crap out of your Dad, that's like finding kryptonite! I thought I try it. I was about to get my next beating. I stop my Dad "Don't do it! I'll phone children's aid." Have you ever had your parents call your bluff? "You'll do what?" - "I'll phone children's aid!" - "Is that right? Ooooh, brrrrr. Well, let me get you the phone then, OK?" - "Dad, what are you doing? If I call children's aid, you'll get in trouble!" - "I might get into a little bit of trouble, but I know that it's going to take them 23 minutes to get here. In that time somebody gonna get a hurt real bad!"